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How to Get the Spanking You Want/How to Give a Spanking

Written by an internationally-known expert on spanking and domestic discipline

Praise for the Author's popular & critically acclaimed spanking blog...

“The depth of insight is breath taking.”

“I learn so much from you…”

“So well written and so down to earth and easy for anyone to understand.”

"I most appreciate…how honest you are able to be about so many aspects of spanking."

“…enjoyable, provocative and uniquely perceptive.”

“You have found words for things that reside deep in my spirit and i have found no way to express.”

“Vivian: I wish I had discovered your site years ago instead of hours ago. It would have saved me years of inner struggle.”

“…marvelous and honest.”

“You manage to present your views on a very sensitive and controversial subject with wisdom and intelligence, and rather than take a militant stand, your approach is refreshingly liberal. This I found reassuring, which is why I feel comfortable sharing my experience with

“Amazingly perceptive.”

“Thoughtful and heartfelt…your thoughts and concerns seem to bring out the humanity and kindness of the members of the community.”

“I have found that your writings nurture my own soul.”

“Thoughtful and insightful writing…”

”Thank you so much for posting something so honest and so real. I've felt, and often feel, all of the things you've written about here.”

“Thoughtful and provocative.”

“Your writing constantly challenges me to see the world differently.”

“You write so articulately about issues close to my heart.”

"So insightful. Brilliant!"

"I appreciate your thoughtful approach to the subject."

"Very well-written and provocative."

"You're definitely in danger of raising the intellectual bar on the kinky pages."

"I am so very thankful to be reading thoughts from a very intelligent woman who is not afraid to look deep into herself and question everything."

"Your insight and compassion are far beyond your years."

Variant Books

This website deals with consensual adult spanking only.

Variant Books presents...

...the best-selling and critically-praised guide...

How to Get a Spanking: The Complete Guide to Asking for It, Getting It & Making It Better

How to Give a Spanking

"...these secrets are the difference between your man finally giving you the spanking you deserve, or your man digging in his heels and flat-out refusing to even consider it..."

--from Chapter 2 of How to Get the Spanking You Want (p. 55)


Praise for "How to Get the Spanking You Want":

"Excellent advice... and a very useful read." -- Uncle Agony

"My husband finished reading your book today. I couldn't have asked for a better response. I am thrilled. He says it was challenging for him, but in a good way, He recognises that he has never been able to step up to the masculine role in our relationship, but that he acknowledges that causes problems for us and him. Suddenly now he sees this as a way for him to explore that. And he wants to! And he realises how important it is for me too. I really feel that we could never have discussed this, or for him to have worked that out, without the help of your book. It is very authentic and sensitive. I love the way you have put forward your ideas and told it like it is." -- reader email

"This is the perfect how-to!... Expertly guides us safely through the landmines that can come with a spanking relationship. " -- Brambleberry Blush

"How is it possible that you don’t know me or of my existence but that you have had such a huge impact on my life? I’ve been reading your blog a bit now and read the books, or more devoured them.  My recent life has become intolerable, knowing my fantasies could be real and knowing I lacked the courage to do anything about them.  After reading your book I set things in motion. I am the luckiest girl in the world and you made this possible." -- reader email

"The material we found on your site/blog was incredibly insightful.  Your revelations about who men and women are at their core makes so much sense." -- reader email

"Good and valuable information!" -- reader comment, All Things Spanking

"To the author...thank you X infinity!  I felt like I was reading from my own soul and it seems like it now makes sense to my husband.  We are both very happy.  I'm forever grateful." -- reader email

"I just finished your book How To Get The Spanking You Want. I was a bit apprehensive since it was written from a females perspective and I am a make wishing to have my wife take on the role of being the spanker. I actually emailed your publisher, Variant Books, asking if it would be applicable and they did a commendable job in giving me assurances that it would." -- reader email

"An excellent reference for those coming to terms with these desires and looking to bring them into their reality, and for those who are currently practicing adult spanking with their partner." -- Sisters in Submission

"Blew me away! Well written, lots of information." -- Domestic Discipline Dreams


A message from the author:

If you wish you knew how to get your partner to spank you, I know how you feel. And I'm pretty sure I know what you want, too.

You don't want a "play" spanking with the fake furry paddle from the novelty store. And you don't want to get all suited-up in black leather and bondage like something out of a Madonna music video.

You want a real spanking -- the kind that makes you a little nervous beforehand, actually hurts while you're getting it, and leaves you feeling warm, safe and deeply in love with your partner afterwards. You want & need the security and release that comes with being spanked by someone who loves and cares about you.

Your need to be spanked isn't a fetish or a kink or even just a simple "turn-on" -- it's a soul-deep need that's been inside you for as long as you can remember (and probably before you even knew what it was or what to call it). It may be a need that you're still a little uncomfortable or embarrassed about -- which might be part of why it's hard to talk with your partner about it. But no matter how much you love your partner, you're not going to feel complete and happy in your relationship unless spanking is part of it.

This guide is for you.


Vivian sig


Combining startling insights into the secrets of male psychology with straightforward and practical advice , this soon-to-be-classic reveals for the first time how to get the spankings you want & deserve from your man.

Written in an honest, compassionate and easy-to-read style, this guide will share with you...

  • The real reasons your partner may be reluctant to spank you that will surprise and even shock you! (page 89)
  • Why the popular "I Love Lucy" method of teasing or "bratting" your partner into spanking you is virtually guaranteed to fail -- and may even hurt your relationship! (page 41)
  • How to stop being disappointed when your real-life spankings don'tHow To Get the Spanking You Wantmeasure up to yourfantasies (page 20)
  • What to do if your partner has already said "no" to spanking you (page 70)
  • How to take a spanking -- yes, there are special techniques for receiving as well as giving a good spanking! (page 120)
  • Getting past your embarrassment about wanting to be spanked (page 16)
  • What it really takes to build a satisfying spanking relationship (page 140)
  • How to prepare for your first real spanking (page 99)
  • What to do if you find yourself getting a spanking that's more painful that you expected (page 134)
  • Get spanked in public without getting your partner arrested (page 154)
  • How to cope if you need a spanking and don't have a partner
  • The 7 steps to more satisfying spankings (page 140)
  • How to safely get spanked if you have a history of childhood abuse
  • Expanded 2nd edition -- 12 additional pages of material!
  • And much more!

These secrets for getting the spankings you need are available nowhere else -- online or off!

Never before has there been one definitive guide that gives you all the very best advice on getting spanked in one e-book. You won't find these secrets anywhere else-- not on blogs, community spanking forums or even in other e-books. These other sources of spanking advice don't even get close to revealing the secrets you'll find in this soon-to-be-classic guide.

And in case you're wondering...

Your purchase is instant & completely confidential.

How to Get the Spanking You Want is instantly-downloadable. You'll be on your way to getting the spanking of your dreams in less than two minutes -- and since you'll get your guide in "e-book" PDF format, delivered right to your private email account, you can enjoy your book in complete privacy.

SPECIAL OFFER: Order the companion guide at the same time and get both books for only $19.95!

How to Get the Spanking You Want

How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End is written for especially for your partner, describing for him in simple, clear "Mars" language what it is you want from a spanking and how to give it to you.

Designed to be used with How to Give a Spanking, it reveals...

  • The real reasons you want your partner to spank you (page 38)
  • Why spanking is the secret to releasing his inner "alpha male" (page 54)
  • The seven secret spanking desires that are most important to you and how to fulfill them using practical, easy-to-use techniques (page 59)
  • How spanking you can help your partner's career (page 50)
  • Use the power of anticipation to win your undying devotion (page 93)
  • The #1 mistake men make when spanking women -- and how to keep him from making this huge mistake! (page 80 )
  • The secret power of the "drive-by" swat (page 117)
  • How to tap into his desire to spank you, even if he swears he's not "into it." (page 51)
  • How your favorite spanking implement holds the key to how you want to be spanked (page 132)
  • And much more!

Choose your books!

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Add to Cart How to Get the Spanking You Want Book I -- How to Get the Spanking You Want: The Complete Guide to Asking for It, Getting It & Making It Better
$ 12.95
Add to Cart How to Give a Spanking Book II -- How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End
$ 12.95
Add to Cart Both books

Save over 20% with our SPECIAL VALUE BUNDLE!

Get both How to Give a Spanking & How to Get the Spanking You Want for one low price.

Add to Cart  What He Wants

Book III -- What He Wants: A Man's Seven Secret Spanking Desires

Add to Cart  Get It All Bundle


Get instant downloads of the complete trilogy, How to Get a Spanking, How to Give a Spanking, What He Wants, PLUS The Little Book of Spanking Stories, for one low price. Purchased separately, total cost for all four books is $41.80.

Add to Cart  The Little Book of Spanking Stories

The Little Book of Spanking Stories Vol. I (by Vivian)

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PRIVACY NOTE: Your download link will be automatically emailed to you --to protect your privacy, please use an email address where you can safely receive spanking-related emails.

Money-back guarantee: If, after reading these books, you aren't completely convinced that this advice is better than any other "how to get your man to spank you/how to spank your partner " advice out there, we'll refund your money -- period.

Your purchase is confidential & secure. Your information will never be shared with anyone, period. The charge will appear on your credit card statement as "VRTBooks." All charges are processed through PayPal, the most trusted online payment system in the world, and Variant Books will have absolutely no access to your credit card information.

This book does not deal with or take a position on child spanking. Methods in these books are for appropriate for consenting adults only. These products are not intended for purchase by anyone under 18. By clicking on the purchase link, you certify that you are over 18.

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Written by a popular & internationally-recognized expert on spanking and domestic discipline

VIVIAN is the author of the bestselling classic spanking series, including "How to Get the Spanking You Want," and "How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End," as well as the popular blog The Disciplined Feminist, which explores the challenges of being a modern woman who also wants (and gets) spankings from her partner. 

With over 25 years of first-hand spanking and "domestic discipline" experience and an extensive background in gender roles and psychology, she has been interviewed for articles in both the popular and academic press, including, Bitch magazine and Tango, as well as for documentary and mainstream Hollywood film projects in the U.S. and abroad. Vivian is a pseudonym.

all content (c) 2008-2017 Variant Publishing